Happy Feet!

We are excited about tonight at the Edwards House! This is the first weekend in almost 2 months that we actually get to have family night! Either Sterling has had church events or we have had company. We have missed our family time so much! We are going out to dinner somewhere, and then we are coming home to watch Happy Feet. Sterling is so excited that he told the girls everyone had to wear black and white to the movie....Emma loved the idea, but Madison, growing up way to fast, thought it was a little weird :). I am sure Sterling will still show up for the movie looking like a penguin! Madison has the next week and a half off from school for Spring Break. I am thrilled. It will be so wonderful having her home! I hope to discover some more of Long Island with the girls next week. So much fun to be had!

Spring is Coming!

Yesterday, it was 70 degrees outside. Beautiful day! When Madison came home from school, Sterling helped her ride her bike, and I helped Emma on her tricycle. Sterling and I talked about how wonderful life is for our family living here on Long Island. The church parsonage is beautiful.....a dream house for us, and having all the church property surrounding us, makes us feel like were on a farm kinda......without the animals :)......if that makes any sense. So much land for the girls to explore. It is hard to put into words really, but we just feel like this is the best time of our lives.....and yet there is still so much more to come!
This morning I was reading in Deuteronomy, chapters 7 & 8. It is talking about how God has chosen us, and how He is the faithful God who keeps His covenant for a thousand generations and lavishes His unfailing love on those who love Him and obey His commands.
As I was reading that passage, I could not help but think of my conversation with Sterling just yesterday. About how happy we are, happier than ever before, and how much God has blessed us.
If you keep reading through chapter 8, it speaks about not forgetting who rescued you from slavery in the land of Egypt. In verse 17 it says "HE did all this so you would never say to yourself, 'I achieved this with my own strength and energy'."
I am not so far along in my walk with God, that I forget where I once was. I remember far more often than I would like actually. I never want to forget where I was, because it reminds me I never want to go back there again.
However, when on the mountain top, it can become easy to forget who carried you up from the valley.
When I STOP, slow down, and ponder on God's grace and how He truly RESCUED me from slavery.....I am Overwhelmed, broken, humbled, speechless, and so aware of my nothingness without Him.
It is so good to be reminded, that we are rescued from the PIT, and that everything in our lives comes from Him alone and is because of Him and for His glory.
I get so caught up in day to day tasks, that I forget what I am here for. I forget who I am serving. I forget the ressurection POWER that saved me. I forget to tap into my energy source. And I slowly begin living for me again. I become casual in my walk.
Does that ever happen to any of you? You get so comfortable in your life and how great you think it is, that you slowly begin living it in your own strength and wisdom.
How good God is to remind us that we can't make it one second without Him and His word.

Sterling & Baseball!

Sterling and I took the girls, my Mom, and my niece to the mall on Saturday to eat lunch and play on the indoor playground. Sterling noticed a poster advertising the New York Blood Drive that day in the mall. Was it the words Blood Drive that caught his eye? No. The opportunity to possibly save someones life? Not so much. It was the words at the bottom of the poster that drew him in......2 FREE METS TICKETS with blood donation!
You know Sterling is truly a baseball fan, when he gives blood in exchange for tickets to a game.
Sterling hates needles....blood....and anything in between. I remember when we were first married and he had to get a finger prick. He flew back against the wall when the nurse came near him.....and nearly passed out afterwards. It was pretty funny actually :). When he told me he was going to give blood, I said "yeah, right", under my breath. What was I thinking, free baseball tickets were up for grabs, of course he was going to give blood.
It got me thinking this weekend. We will do just about anything, even face a major fear, for something we truly want or love. I want to be that way about my walk with the Lord. Willing to face any fear, at any cost, to follow God with everything in me. I am a fearful person. Always have been. I am better than I used to be (pre-Sterling I call it). He has helped me to fear less and trust more. Still, it is hard for me. I have crazy fears that get in my way of completely surrendering each day to God. Fears that become death gripping strongholds. I have to consciously make an effort to not fear. It most definitely does not come naturally for me.
But, I so want it to. And I know that I know that I know GOD can rid me of all my fears. I want to have such a passion for God, that I am willing to do anything, at any cost, to die to myself, to follow Him.
Sterling did good giving blood. He actually got more attention from the nurses than any other donor there. One donor said to the nurse, "What did he do?, because I want to be him." The nurses liked him so much, because he took the time to reach out to them while giving blood, that he got the royal treatment. Sterling has such a way with people. I ended up giving blood as well, so Sterling could have 4 tickets. It will be great for Sterling to be able to take 3 people with him, that he can get to know better. That is what it is all about after all.....and a baseball game is a great place for just that! The game is in April. Pray that Sterling would know just the right people to invite.

Update!

I went to the doctor this morning. I went back to the same office, except this time I saw the doctor instead of her practitioner. I loved her! She is a Christian and attends another church on Long Island. She was very patient and let me tell her everything I needed to say. She switched my prescription to the one I wanted, and is helping me slowly come off the other one, while starting the new one. She is wonderful and I am so thankful she helped me get what I needed. Thank you to all who were praying for me.
My Mom and niece, Anne Blye, are on there way to my house as I blog. Sterling and Emma went to pick them up, since I was at the doctor. I am very happy they are coming, because my Mom can help me get things back to normal around here, after the UBC group leaving. Also, she is babysitting so Sterling and I can go on a date.....and not just a trip to Walmart either :). We might actually get to go out 2 nights, to a movie and dinner. I am so excited. We never get any alone time. Never. So, I am thrilled. My girls are thrilled to have their Nana babysitting.
This will be my Mom's first visit since we moved to Farmingdale, so I am anxious to show her around. She will love it. We will have fun while they are here.
Pictures of the remodeling are coming very soon.....almost have them uploaded. :).

Clear the Stage

The most watched show on TV is American Idol. I have not watched any season all the way through from start to finish until this season. I usually jump in at the top 12 or less and choose my favorite. It is very entertaining. Not so much the singing really, but Simon! I like him because he tells them like it is, even if it is not what they want to hear. 37 million people cast their votes each week for a new idol. In reality, the last thing in the world we need is another idol.
Sterling shared some passages tonight in our Life Group from Acts. We were discussing different idols people have in their lives. Some said money, spouses, kids, careers, TV, Internet.
To me, the best way to define an idol is, anything that takes our focus off the Lord Jesus Christ.
One idol no one mentioned was ourselves. Every store I go in has some shirt or something that says "It's All About Me". I refuse to buy anything with that statement on it. I hate those shirts.
Ironically, I think my biggest idol is ME. I did not get to share that with the group because Emma needed my attention. I get so caught up in myself and what I want or need that I end up losing sight of who it is really all about.....JESUS. If I spent as much time reading my bible as I spend planning my next diet, I would have many books memorized.
One of my favorite songs is "Clear the Stage", by Ross King. The words say it all. I hope they minister to your heart the way they do mine:

Clear the stage and set the sound and lights ablaze,
If that's the measure that it takes to crush the idols.
Chuck the pews and all the decorations too,
Until the congregations few then have revival.
Tell your friends that this is where the party ends until you're broken for your sins you can't be social.
Then seek the Lord and wait for what he has in store and know that great is your reward and just be hopeful.
Cause you can sing all you want to. Yes you can sing all you want to, you can sing all you want to And don't get me wrong, worship is more than a song.
Take a break from all the plans that you made ,
And sit at home alone and wait for God to whisper.
Beg Him please to open up his mouth and speak
And pray for real upon your knees until they blister.
Shine the light on every corner of your life Until the pride and lust and lies are in the open.
Then read the word and put to test the things you've heard Until your heart and soul are stirred and rocked and broken.
Cause you can sing all you want to. Yes you can sing all you want to, you can sing all you want to
And don't get me wrong, worship is more than a song.
Anything I put before my God is an idol.
Anything I want with all my heart is an idol.
Anything I can't stop thinking of is an idol.
Anything that I give all my love is an idol.
We must not worship something that's not even worth it.
Clear the stage and make some space for the one who deserves it.

The words break me every time.

Hard to Say Goodbye!

The group from UBC has been here a full 9 days now and counting. They are all scheduled to depart tomorrow. Some as early as 5:30 am and the rest by 1:30pm. It looks like all will go well, and they will actually take off. You would think we would be so ready for them to go....just to get back to a normal routine. But, I am sad to see them leave. It has been so wonderful having them here. They have helped us so much and have gone above and beyond to take care of us. UBC is very blessed to have Jason Gadman on staff. He is wonderful! I wish Sterling could have worked with him at UBC. The students have been so sweet and worked so hard. It is hard to believe they are graduating. The sponsors.....well I can't say enough. They happen to be some of our very favorite Texans. I hope all the UBC students and student workers get to come see us eventually. We did not realize just how much we missed all of them, until we had some of them back with us again!
We had a fun night tonight with everyone at Dave & Busters. We are all so tired. I feel like I am running on fumes.....I can't imagine how Sterling must feel, because he was running on fumes before they arrived. He never stops working. He is amazing. I am so blessed. My girls were so sweet with everyone and enjoyed all the love and attention. I have two precious girls. I just feel so blessed. God is so good. I can never get over how GOOD God IS!
I will post pictures soon of the work done this past week. The children were in awe when they saw the nursery this morning. It was worth all the hard work, just to see the looks on their faces.

This is Crazy!

The weather here is getting bad. Our wonderful 25 friends from UBC are stuck here. Their flight this morning was canceled. Jet Blue is supposed to fly 13 of them home tomorrow afternoon, 2 more tomorrow evening, and the remaining 10 on Monday! I feel so horrible for them. More nights on air mattresses after all the work they have done. Not to mention nothing to do here because the weather is getting worse and will keep us all here at Crossroads. They are all trying to have a positive attitude, but it is not easy. Please pray for their safe return asap.
My Mom and niece got stranded in Chicago this morning on their flight to Long Island from Birmingham, Alabama. Southwest Airlines finally agreed to pay their way back home to Alabama. They are in the air right now. My niece is already crying, and Madison will be crying when she comes home from school today to find her Nana and cousin not here.
OK, I have been on hold with Southwest Airlines while writing this blog, and they just agreed to fly them back here next Wednesday through Sunday! They are not obligated to do anything because it is an act of nature.....as the airline states. So, praise God from whom all blessings flow! My sweet niece breaks my heart to know she is so sad not to get here today, so I am so happy they will come next week. This is her spring break, so this was the only time my Mom could bring her.
Pray for all of this.......this is going to be a LONG weekend. God is good.

Breaking Free

God has allowed me to break free from many strongholds in the past. I am forever grateful for His mercy and grace. Breaking free is not always easy though. In fact, sometimes it is painful and miserable. I have been on an anxiety disorder medication for a little over 3 years now due to post par-tum after Emma was born. I was having daily heart palpitations, triggered by the extreme anxiety. For those of you who know anything about anxiety disorders, they are extremely uncontrollable on your own. I tried to avoid all medications for the first 6 months after Emma was born, but the longer I went, the worse my symptoms got, and the more me and my family suffered. Most people do not understand what some women go through after having a baby. People are shocked when a woman kills her children. But no one pays attention to their cries for help, long before they lost control. Post par-tum depression/anxiety turns you into a different person. And with no support, I can only imagine what some women go through. It is very sad.
Thankfully, I have a loving, supportive husband who puts up with my baggage and helps me carry it. Anyway, I will get off my soap box :).
I have been wanting to come off my medication for over a year now. I am not depressed. But, I still have so much anxiety. My medication is very strong and impossible for most people to wean off successfully. The side effects are horrible. Beyond horrible. I am having the hardest time finding a good doctor here. If I was in Houston, Dr. Joe would have already helped me so much. I went to a doctor a month ago, and explained I wanted to come off my stronger prescription. I explained to her that I had researched extensively and the side effects were supposed to be terrible. 99% of patients go right back on the medicine. Many suggest going on a different med that is not so strong, to help ease the side effects, and after about 6 months, wean off that one. This doctor informed me that she would not switch me unless and I came off my med completely for 2 weeks. I told her I did not think I could do that, but she said I would just have to deal with it. (This is coming from a doctor who does not believe in any of these medications. She said I should be able to go to a counselor for all my anxiety needs.) I laugh at that! She has no clue. I would love to get off my medication and allow God to help me deal with every day stress, BUT, it is not that simple.
However, what am I supposed to do. She cut my dose in half for 7 days, and then cut me cold turkey, the week UBC arrived :). Great timing! I thought I was doing OK the past 5 days. Keeping busy helping the mission team. I was having phases of vertigo through out each day, but I was managing. Then last night, the vertigo got worse, and my body began to hurt. Then this morning came, and it hit hard. I woke up a different person. On edge. Rude. Mean. Sick. Unstable. Dizzy. Blurred vision. Severe body aches. I told, or yelled at Sterling that I could not take care of anyone but myself today. I did not like who I was being this morning. I am ashamed and embarrassed. Sterling watched Emma all day. Thankfully UBC was in Manhattan today. (Logan was here though, and is probably scared to come back now :).) I slept from 8:45 this morning until 4pm. I could not believe it. I woke up a mess, crying at everything. I finally realized I could not break free from this drug the way this doctor wanted me to. It was not worth what it was doing to me and more importantly Sterling and the girls. I called the doctor and they said they could see me Friday. I told the office lady I could not wait until Friday. That I was a complete mess and could not continue to feel this way. They called me back and told me to take another dose and come see them on Friday to figure out what to do.
I have to care for my family, and reach the lost of Long Island, and help build a church, and help remodel a church, and host people in my home....the list goes on and on. I do not have 2 weeks to stay locked in a room, while the medicine leaves my system. And that is what would have to happen. Because I will not subject my family to my crazy self again!
I took the dose, and still feel horrible. It will take about 48 hours to feel better. PLEASE PRAY FOR ME. Please pray that on Friday this doctor will HEAR me, and will place me on a different medicine that I can eventually wean off without the severe side effects. I am so tired. So so tired. I am so discouraged. I will not allow Satan to have victory over me in this battle. I will break free. Just a lot slower and saner for me and my family. Pray I will find someone to help me. I miss Dr. Joe in Houston. I miss having a wonderful Christian doctor, who you know you can trust to take care of you. I am going to call him tomorrow to see if he can help me all the way in New York. I will keep you posted. Thanks for listening. Blogging is such a great release for me in times like these, and so wonderful to know the people who read will pray for me. Some would think I am crazy for even sharing such personal thoughts, but I learned a long time ago, that I do not need or want to hide my down falls, my sin, my struggles. I want to be real. I want to be honest. It is the only way to experience true freedom from the grip of Satan. Do not be afraid to be real, to share, to put yourself out there in front of others. Do not be ashamed, for their is NO MORE condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus! Thank you God! God is so good.

Extreme Makeover!

Today was the first day the UBC group began working on the long list of jobs needing to be done at Crossroads. I spent the entire morning instructing them on what was to stay and what was to throw to the dumpster! I have never seen a HUGE dumpster filled to the top so quick :). We threw more away than we saved. After cleaning out, the painting was to begin. I left for about 4 hours to take my friends, Carl and Dale Ann, to Ikea and Home Depot so that Carl could figure out what he needs for his mission team, who is coming in April to remodel our fellowship hall. (turning it into a coffee house style atmosphere....going to be so great.....but will fill you in on more of that in April). Anyway, Emma and I shopped for new items for the children's ministry rooms. Ikea is just a blast! We got so many cool things for the kids room. When we got back to the church, I was blown away. I thought Extreme Makeover had been there :). 4 rooms were completely painted (and looked amazing), our shed from Levittown was put together and in place, both potholes in the circle drive were repaired, the other rooms to be painted were taped and ready to go for tomorrow, and the education building had been cleaned out of all it's dumpster items! These seniors and adults have worked so hard today and have made a huge difference in the appearance of our building! We are all so excited. I can't wait to fix up the nursery with all the new stuff before Sunday morning. Emma and the other little ones will love it. Will post pictures of the transformations when everything is complete this week! They are off to Manhattan tomorrow and Wednesday. They will be exhausted when this is all over. It is so wonderful having our UBC family here with us....just encourages us so much to be surrounded by their love for us and our Lord.

Company is Coming!

This is going to be a very busy week for Crossroads Church of Long Island. In just a few minutes, Sterling will be home from the airport with our special friends, Carl and DaleAnn Novian, from Pampa, Texas. We are excited they are coming. They will be here through the weekend. One hour from now, 25 senior students and adults will be arriving from UBC in Clear Lake. They are coming to help us paint our children classrooms and lots of other stuff needing to be done. They are all sleeping at the church. I am excited to see them! On Monday, Logan Carpenter is coming to spend a few days with us as well! Sterling is especially excited to have one of his favorite buddies coming.
Next Friday morning, the day the UBC group leaves, my mom and neice are coming for a week.
Crazy! But, fun! We are excited for the company and all that will be accomplished for His glory.
Keep us in your prayers. Emma and Madison just came through a virus, and I have been hunched over the trash can half the day today :).

Unexpected Excitement!

My family received some very unexpected, yet exciting news this past weekend. My sister called and shared with me that her and my brother in law, Jeff, were feeling God calling them to Africa! A shocker to us to say the least. They went to Africa in January to visit some close friends serving as Missionaries. They loved it! This is not something all of the sudden. They have been feeling God moving in that direction for some time now, but in recent weeks, have felt a complete certainty that this is where God is leading. They met with the IMB already and are beginning the necessary steps to serve as IMB Missionaries in Africa. It is a long process and a lot of training, so they actually will not relocate to Africa for 2 years. Which is a really good thing, because that gives us all time to get used to the idea ourselves. They will live their 3 years before returning to the US for 3 months and then go back again. Pray for the adjustment that will be on my family. It will be hard, but their new journey will be worth the sacrifice!
I am so overwhelmed with joy for Jeff, Taryn and my sweet niece Anne Blye. God is good. It looks like Crossroads Church of Long Island will have to take a mission trip to Africa in the future! :).

Pictures for Nana and Granna